Once Upon a Hospital
by RemyTheReaper
Summary: A Fairy Tale of sorts. Chateen, Rated T so I don't lose my street cred for being badass.


**A/N: This story is dedicated to Revengent, because she's awesome and yesterday was her birthday, HAPPY BIRTHDAAAAAY!**

Once upon a time in a magical land called Newton, Massachusetts, resided a beautiful princess by the name of Remy. Princess Remy had been an only child born to the King and Queen of the land. Her childhood had been one of much happiness, until the Queen fell ill and died shortly after Remy's eleventh birthday. The King was overcome with grief, and for many years took no wife, but when the Princess was 16 he remarried to a horrible woman who hated the Princess and stressed her out and was generally very cruel to her. The Princess put up with this until she was old enough to leave the house then, disguising herself as a noble healer by the name of Thirteen, she ran away to a land called Princeton to explore a region called Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital and began to work under Sir Gregory House, the wisest healer in the land.

Now the Princess worked alongside three dashing knights: Sir Lawrence Kutner, Sir Chris Taub, and Sir Eric Foreman. Although they did not know Thirteen's true identity, they all vied for her attention, as she was the most beautiful maiden any had laid eyes on. But the Princess had eyes for only one, Sir Lawrence Kutner.

For a time the Princess and Sir Kutner lived in delicious sin, telling no one of their relationship, but co-existing in the same residence after they had left Princeton Plainsboro each day. The Princess longed to tell Sir Kutner of her true identity, but feared that he might reveal it to others, and so she remained silent on the subject. Still, their relationship thrived, and it was not until marriage arrangements were being planned that they slipped up in their secrecy. One night, as they left Princeton Plainsboro, Sir Eric Foreman spied them holding hands and knew that they were not "just friends".

But Sir Eric Foreman had a secret of his own. He was, in reality, a very evil ogre who liked to prey on beautiful women, like the Princess. He had been planning his attack on her since the day she had arrived at Princeton Plainsboro, and was angered to find that she was in love with another man. Angrily, he snuck into the apartment of Sir Lawrence Kutner on a night when the Princess was not home, and drove a bullet into his skull, killing him, but making it look as if Sir Kutner had taken his own life.

Upon finding his body the next day, the Princess was devastated.

"Alas," she cried as Sir Foreman waited with her for the body of Sir Kutner to be fetched by authorities, "I must have done something to upset him so that he has taken his own life!"

"Why Lady Thirteen, do not take the blame. Sir Kutner was a troubled man and you can't have known his intentions."

The Princess, wracked with grief, was relieved to hear this reassurance. Because she was not in her right state of mind, she was even mildly attracted to the ogre. This lead to the Princess Thirteen dating the ogre for a short span of time after the death of Sir Kutner. But she quickly became unhappy with his unsympathetic and selfish ways. So when he took over for Sir Gregory House and released her from her position as healer, she vowed not to be with him again in her first act of bravery since the death of Sir Kutner.

For many weeks, the Princess wandered alone, trying to find direction in her life. Then Sir House returned and retrieved the Princess from her lonesome wandering. Upon her return to Princeton Plainsboro, the Princess was shocked to find that there was a new, exceedingly handsome knight working under Sir House: Sir Robert Chase. The Princess was in love at once, but Sir Chase, having just been left by the wench Lady Allison Cameron, did not take her attraction to be a good thing and became angry with the Princess and her meddling ways. The Princess, understanding the grief of losing a partner, quietly waited while Sir Chase coped with losing his love. It was only after a visit from Lady Cameron that he finally approached the Princess, asking her out to the local tavern. The Princess happily accepted and thus began a relationship with Sir Chase. But it was not long before Sir Taub found out about their relationship and relayed the message to the ogre, who vowed to get his revenge on the knight who had stolen the Princess. Until that point, he had strongly believed that the Princess would return to him, in due time, and he could commence his torment of her psyche.

So one day, when Sir House had gone to harass the empress of Princeton-Plainsboro, Lady Lisa Cuddy, the ogre challenged Sir Chase to a duel, much to the surprise of Princess Remy. Sir Chase, who was also surprised, angrily declined, but the ogre would not take no for an answer. After much arguing, the ogre and Sir Chase were nearly tearing at each other's throats when the Princess boldly stepped between them,

"I, Princess Remy Hadley from the land of Newton command you to stop!"

Both men stopped and stared at her in awe,

"But Lady Thirteen," protested Sir Chase, "How can you be Princess Remy, when Princess Remy has been declared dead by the Queen of Newton?"

"Alas, I ran away three years ago to escape that wretched woman, disguising myself as an ordinary healer so that I might learn from the great Sir House. My step-mother assumed my death, but I stand here before you now and command you to stop this fight at once!"

At this, Sir Chase dropped his weapon, but the ogre was infuriated even further. He would _not_ lose Thirteen so easily, especially now that he knew she was a princess. Quickly he grabbed the Princess and threw her over his shoulder, running from the spot. The Princess began to scream, but her rape whistle had fallen from around her neck as the ogre had lifted her from the ground, so no one paid any attention. Sir Chase immediately began to run after them, staying close on the ogre's heels.

"I'll save you Princess!" he cried as he distance between himself and the ogre closed, and he flew through the air, tackling him to the ground. The ogre fell heavily, hitting his head and falling unconscious. The Princess, who was unfortunate enough to land under him, was nearly crushed by his weight, but just as she was about to asphyxiate, Sir Chase dramatically pulled her from under the ogre into her arms and they stared lustily into each other's eyes for an extended period of time.

"Sir Chase, you saved my life!" cried the Princess.

"Well, I couldn't let him hurt you Princess."

"Please, just Thirteen," the Princess said as he set her on the ground, "And lets get out of here."

So the Princess and Sir Chase left Princeton Plainsboro and moved to his homeland of Melbourne, Australia where they had lots of very beautiful genetically gifted children with cute accents.

**THE END.**


End file.
